Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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