Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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