he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i will never coherently bang her
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
