Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
