Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
