i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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