i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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