Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
