That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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