"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
