and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
