Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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