um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
