Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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