you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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