Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
