Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
