last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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