Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
