I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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