drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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