I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
