He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
