im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
