This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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