so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
