i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
