am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
