i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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