I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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