So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
