youre lurking in front of me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
