what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
one might say we're banned from that church
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
