I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
