Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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