we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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