Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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