Do you still have your period?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
