last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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