That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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