You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
