You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
