Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
