So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
