my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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