I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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