I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
