I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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