he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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