I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
